Obligatory Explanation's and What Not's

I have a lot of ideas for this posting. No, a lot is a fair underestimation. I often try and find the right ways to describe who I am, where I'm going, my goals, my general outlooks and philosophies. And just as often I find it difficult if not impossible to do any justice to those questions with answering. My words become ramblings, my thoughts incoherent. But I shall give it a try...

Despite all the difficulty I may have in describing myself, there really isn't a whole lot that forms my being. Or rather, there isn't a lot that ever sticks around. My views are as ever-changing now as they've ever been. I identify myself, in political terms, as being nearer conservative. Though I share a heavy disdain towards politics. It scratches away at my sanity, yet I find my attention constantly aroused by it. So tolerate it, I do. I do feel myself to be more-so conservative in the European sense. I've known for many years that I've often thought in more Eurocentric ways, than American ones, and I guess it's no different today.

I'm an animal-lover, a total softie, a lyricist (I could say poet, but everything I ever end up writing takes on a more lyrical format than anything else), a dreamer and a pessimist/realist, an atheist. I've got trouble forming goals. I feel as if I lack work ethic, though once I get going, it's hard to stop myself. And I'm in love with the most amazing girl who hasn't lost a single fiber of what has always captivated me for all these years I've known her. Hell, I love her more now than I have ever before. I had to throw this last bit in, just to give myself at least some outlet to express it.

I've used this blog name ("In Search of the Sun") with a previous attempt that failed. I still find the name meaningful and is why I find myself resurrecting it in a sense. For many years, I've felt myself on a journey (I suppose we all have). I've always imagined this new horizon somewhere in the distance. My soul and my mind has ached for it. That hill that it rises it over, the stream that it warms and that tree that provides shade and shelter. It's always been in my dreams. Whatever those metaphors is to symbolize, I have yet to find. So my search goes on. But I feel like I'm closer than ever to realizing it.

I wrote a short lyric a few years back that (like so many others) used this theme and ended with:

I want to reach the sun
... But I just don't have the strength

That was definitely the pessimist talking. But on my good days, I do feel I have the strength. But moreso, like I must have the strength. I need to hold my head high and keep my eyes ahead. No matter how much the world tries to knock me down. I find motivation to be so difficult at times, but eventually it kicks in.

Well that's enough rambling from me for one day.

Here's to the night. Bring on the day.

A Fresh Start

So I've decided to give this whole blogging expenditure another go. I made a vain attempt some years ago that didn't really manage to accomplish much of what I had intended for it, so it goes without saying that I am hoping and quite optimistic that this one is far more successful.

I do not have any real plans set for this. Just a place to get my thoughts down and for those all-too uncommon bursts of creativity that are known to appear. There may even from time-to-time be some political-leaning rants/ramblings, but I do believe this shall just be an aid to keep track of myself and what might be weighing me down on some day or another.

I feel as if I may have some goals already in mind for this project. But if these goals are too last, that I am not so sure of. I sincerely hope to progress as a person during my time. I feel like I've made leaps and bounds in the last couple of years, but I still have a feeling of disappointment in myself. This may just be stress weighing me down, as it has done previously. I've been in search of some hobby to engross myself in. I've had some ideas floating around, but am not sure which direction to throw my weight into. I'd like to develop something musically-inclined. I played the saxophone in middle school and am interested to see if there's anything from those years that may still be worth uncovering. I do not have any particular interest in picking up my old instrument at this time, but would like to move into the stringed-world. Guitar and violin at this point. Then move onto something else some years into the future.

I have many ideas for the future, but unfortunately at the current moment am no where set where I need to be to fulfill them. At least that's how I feel. It may be a mental block. I've always done my best to prepare myself, or at least try, but at times I wonder if all I had really accomplished was stressing or psyching myself out.

Well, that's all I have to say for this moment. In time, maybe this will be something others will read. But for now, it's just a fresh start. So I'm taking a deep breath and setting my sights ahead. I only hope my feet will follow my eyes and I don't watch the distance become further distant still.